Who am I? I am Spide…errr Man :P

Similar to my other emotionally charged posts (I mean when I am emotionally charged), this one too comes from a weird place. I am sitting on the wall of my balcony, with a little fear that my Bittu (laptop for the less enlightened) might fall with me.

//www.flickr.com/photos/surajchauhan/182062828/

Image courtesy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/surajchauhan/182062828/

I am in a very strange mood right now. Full of nostalgic thoughts. These thoughts have enlightened me about things I wasn’t aware about myself. Since I do not share everything (I am li’ll selfish you see), I won’t post everything. Selfishness reminds me that I could never share my troubles with Everyone. When I left Bhubaneswar (in fact a few months before leaving it), I was left with none to share. It’s pretty unlike-me to accept it here, but I realized that an increase in blogging activity was an outlet in disguise. It’s not that I’ve written everything I feel (it’s just unlike-me), but I could share something. 🙂

Today again, I need an outlet when I’m tangled in this unmanageable web of questions.

Looking at my life, I’ve things that I’ve wanted and worked for (well, except a few).
I am financially independent, and don’t have to bother my parents.
I am working on web security, and that too in a computer services company, with geeks around me.
I also have permission to work from home, pretty unlikely for a beginner on some internal work. Complete freedom, to be precise.
I, with all probability, will become an author in a few months (unless something extremely goes wrong).
…and most importantly, I am ideal son in eyes of my parents (except one issue that I don’t take care of my health).

Still, there is disturbance caused by dissatisfaction… and at times, by overflow of energy. Don’t mistake it to be a job dissatisfaction issue. Computers has been one of my teenage loves, which has grown stronger with times.

Looking again at life, I realize that I don’t have everything I ever wanted…
I wished to contribute to the society; started a few times with SPICMACAY and AID; won a few times; lost a few times. Nothing to complain about really. Obviously, you don’t get all you want.

However, I feel I am entangled between things I wanted, and things things that are my responsibility (like changing the world 🙂 )

Going to an orphanage on a weekend, donating money, etc. are not my cup of tea. I believe they aggravate the problem more than they solve them, IMHO. A weekly visit makes them feel distant; a donation of money, or related things, makes them dependent. These issues need to be attacked from the root.

I have this feeling that I WILL be able to execute my plans someday… but what about now 🙂
Why do I feel like loosing patience, considered one of my biggest assets in the past.

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4 thoughts on “Who am I? I am Spide…errr Man :P

  1. @Johnny:
    Hehe. Of course, nothing is real unless it can be measured. 😉 Coincidentally, I am working with security metrics; looks like it’s going to take some time.
    Just curious, how did Johnny the Great came up with the agreement metrics???

    BTW, thanks for finding me… but their was no need to find this (rants and pain filled) blog. 😐 ..and that too on this frustrated post.
    You could have done with my other blog 🙂

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