…and thou shalt be Geekier!

1. Puhleez understand that this post might leave you with a feeling of immense aggression towards the author. Kindly control your feelings and remember that violence is sin.
2. A part of this post is imaginary.

Have you ever:
1. Lost your keys and thought, “Oh! I can make a quick Yahoo! (or Google) search”, only to realize that real life entities aren’t indexed. Not yet, at least. OR
2. Looked at a marriage invitation card and said, “The layout is nice, but the fonts.. yuck!”? OR
3. Prepared a changelog of your….. new girlfriend? OR
4. Smiled and hugged a friend while trying to figure out a bug in your program? OR
5. Told you friends that you’ve married your…. laptop?

If the answer to any of the above mentioned questions is YES, then…. you are in a great trouble my friend. You’re a geek…… and there’s no turning back.

However, life, as cruel as it can get, makes you realize at times that you’re lagging in your quest for geekdom.


The Phantom Menace
It started long long ago when our protagonist was born… But. We won’t go in details. The curious one’s can refer to this post. We will start our story from a latter date when he was recruited in a computer services firm, but wasn’t happy at all. This isn’t where he belongs. He was supposed be somewhere else… to be more intimately involved with computers.
He had a bad feeling about it all!

Attack of the Clones
He, anyhoo, joined the firm, but…………….. it was all a mess.
Or at least that’s what he felt initially. There were (so-called) engineers all around him who’d topped the exams in their respective colleges… but; as The Mentor says, “Damn kids! They’re all alike”.
They were like… Zombies… Parasites… Clones.

Revenge of Swen
“There’s a match for you, not matter WHAT you are”, they say.
True it was for him. He found a match in Swen.

Swen was different.
Not as good looking as him (???), but smart enough (:-o).
Dumb, but geek.
Married, but looking.

Swen soon realized that the young chap was a nerd. Swenny’s nerd-ometer had confirmed it.
…and this wasn’t acceptable to him. He gradually became jealous an started searching for the loophole which would drop The Nerd from geekdom to non-geekdom. He didn’t have to wait too long. He soon realized that the protagonist is a sinner.
He had not watched a single episode of the Star Wars.

The force wasn’t with him. Clearly, he was a non-geek, or still a padawan.

A New Hope
He was devastated… but life moves on.
Swenny left him and went to Chennai and he got involved in training and preparation of new geeks at Hyderabad. He also co-authored a book during the time… spent 16-20 hours a day in front of a computer, mostly on FOSS and security issues. This is the time when he married Bittu.
His hardwork made it clear that there still was some hope.

The Non-Geek Strikes Back
After his back-breaking tenure at Hyderabad, he shifted to Bangalore. This was the time that saw a rise in the stature of the padawan. He worked on a number of things related to Web security (education + pen testing + research ++). Recently, he also started off with PHP training. The force was growing strong….. but Oh! The harsh reality.
He still was a non-Geek.

Return of the Geek
Our very own Jedi Master (Swenny) had by now achieved enlightenment on the matters of brotherhood. He realized his folly. He travelled to Bangalore one weekend and brought with him a gift for the padawan he had once deserted.

A pack of all the six episodes of Star Wars with the following words inscribed on them:

Your path, your destiny lies within,
Discover your inner Geek.

It took only two days for yours truly to get baptised. Thanks to the master, he was no more a padawan… He’s become a full-fledged homegrown Jedi now.

The force grew even stronger and the Geek attained enlightenment in no time.
He realized that Geekdom ain’t no event. It’s a process. A continous quest for GeekDom itself.
The quest continues……

p.s.: I recently presented a webinar at my company titled, The Web is Broken. It’s an introductory presented to web security, and should be conceivable by anyone. It’s fun too 🙂

20 thoughts on “…and thou shalt be Geekier!

  1. @Swen:
    Aye Aye Mater!
    but… but I’ve a very bad feeling about the world… something is not right… things seem misplaced… out of order… 😐
    Enlighten me master. 😦

    Master Yoda! Right you say.
    (but say from the bottom of your heart, do you?):P

  2. Bips, these mere mortals fool you into thinking that you are their padawan. But look closely at the way they talk to you and the way you respond. you are their BITCH!

    The force is strong with you young padawan, but you are not yet a jedi. the power of the dark side is far greater than you or any of your so-called masters can imagine. join me and we shall rule the galaxies and make the jedi our bitches. (insert sound of deep breathing inside a mask)

  3. Your invitation is very seductive Darth Baph*… apart from a tiny-miny trouble.
    I am very bad with a specific addon of the Dark Side called as lust (something I’ve always felt in your eyes (???)). 😛
    Can you re-write your invitation code to fit my requirements. My API:

    if ( bips.proposal()===(darkside – lust) ){

    Remember us cursing the Java style brackets during training.
    Guess what! I’ve started to like it 😛

  4. /* Re-written invitation code */

    coolname=”Darth Sivaji”;



    if (result==”yes”)

    /* End of code re-write */

  5. @Baph*:
    haha One of the most pathetic pieces of codes ever written. It’s one buffer overflow and two heap overflows 😛

    Dear Darth Baph*,

    Your propsal has lost it’s glory underneath the burden of it’s code. Kindly re-validate it. I might have become a part of the Dark Side, but not when it’s so insecure.

    Moreover, I’ve realized that there’s no fun in being white or black. I’ll kill all the Jedis, then become (okay, okay, pretend to become) a good warrior… and create a new league, the Grey Side.

    Let me know if you are interested.

    Lots of love (in a totally non-gay way),
    Darth Master Om

  6. Dear Padawan Om,

    your insolence is making it harder for me to keep my light saber under control. the more you stimulate the beast in me, the more enraged it will become; and then finally my lightsaber will rise explosively and enter you, and that will be the end of you.

    padawan, i give you 2 days…er…a week to drop this act and join me, your true master. once we are together, no one can stop us from being the greatest force that the force has ever produced. and from this force, we will suckle nourishment to bring forth The Great Imperial Republic Super Army.

    what say you padawan? which side will you choose?
    -the weak jedi who promise a lot but never give.
    -the all mighty and all powerfull dark side.

    Lots of love (in a totally heterosexual way)
    Darth Master Baphomet B.A.,LLb

    p.s. you can run your little club – the grey side – even after you join the dark side

  7. @Bips and Baphomet

    Mmmm…retarded you have become my young Padawans. Talk of sides to choose both of you will but in neither of you is the force strong. Run to your mommies both of you must and then learn to construct proper sentences I will.

    @Swen Bugger off @$$face!

    – Grandmaster Vishwanath ‘Yoda’ Anand

  8. @Jedi Master Wannabe Swen: your arrogance is good. atleast you have you managed to convince yourself that you are a jedi. its a good sign. i remember the old days when you were a young padawan, and i was your master, you were a spirited little bugger back then. too bad you chose Grandmaster Vishwanath ‘Yoda’ Anand as your chess coach. But never think that he taught you anything about the Force.

    @Pres*(I will not give credence to your claim by calling you a jedi or master or yoda): what can a so-called jedi with broken english do to take on the dark side? nothing! stop your delusion and submit to us (me in general). and while you are at it. bring me queen amidala too.

    @Bips: Fear not my young Padawan. soon, you will be able to defeat these Jedis with your eyes closed. My training will make you invincible.

  9. @Darth Baph*:
    Forget it. Dark side is insecure and I am paranoid about security.
    Better join me if you want to be safe from these Psychopath Jedis.

    @Jedi Masters Swenny & Pres*:

    @Swen Bugger off @$$face!

    Clearly, there is too much of disturbance in the force because of *you two* being on the same side. It’s just a matter of time before Darth Baph* uses your anger to seduce you to join the Darke side.
    Beware! Your only resort is the revolutionary “Grey Side”.

    Thy being the only pure Jedi should mark my words carefully.
    Give me the source,
    and I’ll give you the force

    –inspired from Subhash Chandra Bose’s Tum mujhe khoon do, main tumhe azaadi dunga 😀

    All hail the Grey Hat Hacker…

  10. bipin dude…

    grt post….i was laughing my a** off…i really enjoyed reading this blog…

    u cud adapt a lot of stories into screenplays ..and make movies out of them…LOL

    once again …may the force be with u


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