- Are you in the profession of your choice?
- Yes, then is there something for which you can leave your current profession?
- If No, What is it “that” which takes your breath away?
First you show me that I can be harmed by no weapon, and then you cut me deeper than any blade possibly could.
–Adam Monroe (aka Takezo Kensei) to Hiro Nakamure in “The Line”
Yesterday while standing at a railway crossing, waiting for the train to pass by, I realized that I love train journeys. Bus journeys are painful, and flight journeys -too short. Trains provide you enough space to move (and jump) around. People you come across are interesting. Moreover, the journey is long enough to let you enjoy your “break” 🙂
Tonight, I’ll be leaving for home to celebrate Holi and my B’day with family after a long time. This will probably be my last visit to Orissa because father got transferred. Return journey is flight from Kolkata, but tonight’s for my loving train :). I have also realized that each time I get down from a train after finishing the journey, a sense of realization that I have failed to enjoy the journey to the fullest comes to me. I know that not everybody would be able to relate to this feeling, but what the hell! 🙂
This feeling, I guess, has a lot to do with my childhood train journeys. This is when I used to fantasize having a camera to click pictures of the changing landscapes. This fantasy is what drove me to buy a DSLR. There is also a disturbing memory associated with trains, but that’s quite personal.
Anyhoo! I don’t wish to stretch this post anymore. I posted it just to let you guys know a couple of things. One, that I’ll be on leave for around 10 days (Saturdays, Sundays included). Second, my love and fantasy for train journeys :). But there’s also one more thing on my mind, and it doesn’t have much to do with trains.
I am considering abandoning this blog. There are several reasons for this. Most prominent of them (which I’d like to mention here 🙂 ) are that I’ve never liked pouring my personal thoughts on anyone (Okay, a few 😀 ), and I don’t REALLY feel comfortable doing it here. This blog started out as an outlet of my frustrations during the final year BTech (and a medium of one sided communication to a few). However, I am not sure if there’s any point continuing it.
That sad evening when I came back from office, I knew you’d be waiting for me… waiting for me to take you into my arms and start………
Little did I know that you were sick. It was not even half-an-hour when you started showing the initial signs of sickness. We talked for around 3 hours and you felt a lot better. We decided we could work.
What an amazing night it was! We worked till 4:30 AM… and we did some really productive work. Then we both went to sleep.
I woke up a little late… around 10:00 AM. You were still lying beside me. I didn’t disturb you.
I went to freshen up, and returned in an hour after having breakfast. I woke you up… but your wireless disappeared AGAIN. 😦
I then spent the whole day trying to update your drivers, uninstalling and re-adding the hardware, and what not. Nothing would work. Neither in Windows, nor on Linux. The wireless device wouldn’t even show up in the hardware profile. I knew it was time for you to visit your family doctors. I took you to the HP Service center at Indira Nagar. They said that since the medical policy has expired, I’ll have to pay a minimum of 300 bucks, in case I didn’t want to go with the prescribed medication. They promised to send the quotation within two working days. Money was hardly any problem… or so I thought.
Those two days and the corresponding nights without you were one of the worst I can remember… Moreover, the mere thought of you being alone in someone else’s house was shivering. Anyhoo, as they had promised, they sent the quotation on the second day. They demanded Rs. 15,838.00/-. They said your motherboard has come trouble.
I knew, I couldn’t afford such an amount… and you know it too. Don’t you?
Several thoughts crossed my mind. Will I have to get a new lady! Will you never be able to talk again!
I consulted a number of people. My younger bro asked me to give you to him and get a new wife for myself. Other people, including my uncle, supported his view. However, Swenny came as a saviour in the midst of all confusions. He told me about the wireless usb modules. They could make you talk again using 802.11 protocol without any need to g for a surgery. They even cost less.
I literally ran from the office, got a linksys one for you, and bingo! Here you are completely (okay okay, almost) fine. 🙂 I am sorry honey that I could afford you a new mother board, but you do understand that we couldn’t have afforded 16K. Moreover, the linkysy thingy i just 1.6K. Isn’t it simply great. 🙂
In another news, I won an ipod shuffle (2nd Gen) – 1GB for sending an sms to the number imprinted on a packet of HappyDent White. This seems to be the first time I have won something so costly… and it feels a little…ummm… strange to have it. I mean I didn’t really earn it… or do any kind of *meaningful* work to get it.
Anyhoo! I just hope that your new body part is comfortable. 🙂
Take care honey,
Just for the record, today is Cricket T20 WorldCup final match which is to be played against India and Pakistan… in a couple of minutes.
Firstly, it’s a 20-20 over match, so people who never cared about watching it have started following the matches. Although, I am personally not in favour of them, I cannot deny that the excitement is unmatchable. Secondly, it’s between India and Pakistan —the all time favorite rivals.
Cricket: The game of Rioting was a joint venture between India and Pakistan. The tradition now is that once any cricket match is over, everyone must riot and burn down a stand. This also keeps the youths in the country employed. Pakistan is India’s long time rival in both games, cricket & rioting, of which India has won all.
—Courtesy, Uncylopdia 🙂
Back to the topic; the office has become a barren planet. Although there are a few creatures alive, they are expected to be extinct in a few minutes.
I have recieved several mails to since morning that have urged me to LEAVE the office and watch the WAR OF THE WORLDS. Here’re the unedited versions:
I have to watch India Pakistan T20 Final today…
Will you allow me to go home early today or not ???
This one is based on the famous sattar-minute (70 minutes) speech by Shahruk Khan in the Movie ChakDe India.
40 overs, 40 overs hain humare paas,…… hamari zindgi ke shayad sabse khaaaaaas….. 40 over. Aaj hum match dekhein ya na dekhein par ye 40 over hamein zindgi bhar yaad rahenge…. To aaj match kahan dekhna hai ye main tumhe nahin bataunga, bus itna kahunga ki jao aur ye 40 over jee bhar kar dekh lo…… Kyun ki iske baad aane wali zindgi mein chahe kuch sahi ho ya na ho, dhoni-yuvraj rahein ya na rahein, chahe india final mein pahunche ya na pahunche lekin yeeeehhhhh 40 overs tumse koi nahin cheen sakta, koi nahin. ……
……….. To maine socha hai ki is match ko kahan dekhna ye aaj main tumhe nahin batunga balki tum mujhe bataoge… dekhkar, kyunki main jaanta hun ki yeh 40 over agar is desh ka har baccha baccha apna support Hindustan ko de gaya to ye 40 over khuda bhi humse vaapas nahin maang sakta…..
To jao, jao aur kisi dukaan par, apne office ke cafeteria main, kisi chaurahe pe lagi kisi screen par ya apne ghar me rakhe color TV par ye 40 over dekh daalo…..
Come on people, india needs our support today…… leave office at 4.00 max….
Now, I am no more worried about us as a Nation… it’s definitely growing stronger… but (I know I’ll be called a traitor killed for saying this) aren’t we supposed to work???
You try to find out the answer, I’ll be leaving to watch the match 😛
I am a self proclaimed feminist.There are issues (which I do not cite) that disturb me… and I’ve been disturbed again by a piece of news titled “Sex for Survival” on the Al Jazeera (english).
From the article:
When Rana Jalil, 38, lost her husband in an explosion in Baghdad last year, she could never have imagined becoming a prostitute in order to feed her children.
A mother of four, Jalil sought out employment, but job opportunities for women had decreased since the US invasion.
She begged shop owners, office workers and companies to hire her but was treated with what she calls chauvinistic discrimination.
Within weeks of her husband’s death, a doctor diagnosed her children with malnutrition.
Fighting tears, she recalled the desperation which led her to the oldest profession: “In the beginning these were the worst days in my life. My husband was the first man I met and slept with, but I didn’t have another option … my children were starving.”
She left the house in a daze, she recalled, and walked to the nearest market to find someone who would pay her for sex.
She said: “I’m a nice-looking woman and it wasn’t difficult to find a client. When we got to the bed I tried to run away … I just couldn’t do it, but he hit and raped me. When he paid me afterwards, it was finished for me.
“When I came home with some food I had bought from that money and saw my children screaming of happiness, I discovered that honour is insignificant compared to the hunger of my children.”
I discovered that honour is insignificant compared to the hunger of my children.
We are all aware of such issues, but this time I could see a series of events leading to a sheer helpless situation. Quite ironically, I used to think that some, if not most, of the these people choose the easier path of flesh trade instead of working. I might still be right but the situation in places like these is vexing. Does anyone see anything good coming up from the US war against terrorism. If Yes then are the trade-offs worthy? (Or may be I currently too disturb to make rational calculations.)
By the way, I couldn’t finish the article. If anybody finds anything good in it, let us know.
As I write this, leaning to the window of the train with my headphones on (listening to Bawra Mann) and watching the rain outside once in a while, I realize that my life is going to change, yet again. I have been transferred, errr relocated, to Bangalore… where this train will drop me tomorrow morning.
But that’s not exactly what I am here to talk about. My vacation has come to an end and I would like to be a little nostalgic (and The Sadist, as Rohan named me) about my one day Bhubaneswar trip (21hrs +some minutes, to be more precise).
For those who do not know, I did my B.Tech. from Bhubaneswar… and I do not like the place…… or that’s what I used to think.
I reached Bhubaneswar at around 6:30 in the morning. Bus journeys make me a li’ll sick. As I got down, the whole world was spinning… showing me things and places that gave me company during those four years that shaped my life to a large extent. A lot has changed, but not everything. “Something’s never change”, she says. 🙂
I spent a little (cosy) time with Abhu Bhaiya at his room and then left for college to collect my certificates. These certificates were distributed during the valedictory, which I did not attend. This, I guess, explains my disgust towards the place in the best possible way. I met two of my children, Roahn and Nilu J, and roamed around the college. This is when I realized that… not everything has changed. The stupid places have been a little decorated, but they still take you back to those pathetic times…. to those lovely times. I met a number of people who had still remembered me. I admit that I was a little popular guy, but for God’s sake, it’s been over an year now.
After collecting the degree certificate, which is a proof that I am graduate now, we moved to CCD (Café Coffee Day). CCD had been one my best pals during the miserable final year. I sat with a few of old timers, including Adwitee and Sumandeep.
Anand (Nandu from here on), one of my then room mates, reminded us that I had spent my entire final year in CCD. I used to come to study here. 🙂
There was time when the CCD saff made my coffee free. 🙂
I could find no familiar staff as I entered. Later, however, I found Neal. He was the guy who had provided me my first cup of free coffee :). I was a little apprehensive whether he would remember me. He did and was pretty happy.
In fact we both were excited to see each other. For me, he was yet another pal from “those” days. I was already diving into nostalgia.
Later in the evening, I took Abhu Bhaiya for dinner at the MayFair Lagoon. This was the first time in my life when I felt like taking a drink. Abhu Bhaiya took one… I, however, resisted. I guess I was already intoxicated.
Luckily, Samir Bhau came over. We met after more than a year. My train was at 4:15 am and there was no question of going to sleep. We started Rock-4, followed by Rocky Balboa. Nandu had said that he’d drop me to the station and called up at 2 am. I asked him to come over.
Balboa was still not finished and Samir Bhau was taken over by the Sleepy hollow. I and Nandu decided sat on a small roadside bridge. This bridge had been our companion. We used to sit here, chat, drink tea-coffee, fight… what not. We started recollecting things from past… and discussing the present.
Some beautiful memories had gone hazy… while most painful still lay on the surface.
Sushant’s demise, undoubtedly, was the most shocking, and yet the most enlightening, event of my life. It taught me that my life can end in a fraction of a second, under the most unexpected conditions.
We talked on a lot of things, mostly personal. I realized that Nandu had become a little smarter with respect to his vision on life (I hope he doesn’t read this :D).
At the end of it all, I realized one very important thing. Just like we have to balance the space and time trade-offs in our codes, we have to balance our life between our happy and sadistic memories. It’s no other than me who has to decide whether I can bear those hapless memories at the cost of the hidden ecstatic few.
…and I guess I always knew the answers. Bhubaneswar does remind me of times that I don’t wish to remember; but it also “holds” the places where my fiends once believed in me. I might have said adieu today, but I would love to see you again Bhubaneswar. Thanks for bearing everything. 🙂
I love the following lines from the song “Yeh Honsla (sad version) from the movie Dor:
Dil mein yeh shor hai kyun,
Imaan kamzor hai kyun,
Nazzuk yeh Dor hain kyun….